dating boredom
Zayn previously touched on the fact that Dallas is not a bad place to plan dates – stuff to do, places to eat, etc. This is true. I am not sure what I am doing wrong with my dating life, but seeing as it is sparse at best, there must be something.
I know I am bored. Online dating bores me. I did it years back, and was very active at it too. Then things got to a point where I was just sick and tired of answering the emails. They were all the same and began running together. I was about to let my account expire when an opportunity arose – doing a tv show/infomercial (I don’t know what else to call it) for the site that I was on. I called the number. I asked the woman on the other end how many people they sent this invite to – she said “about forty.” I thought about it, and decided to do it – it was right down the road from where I lived at the time, I would get six months free added to my account, and it sounded like no big deal.
To my knowledge, this thing has never seen daylight. This fact alone pleases me to no end. I tried looking for it online (you would think that if it is related to an online dating site that it would be online… makes sense to me) and have yet to find it. Everyone makes mistakes, but it is always preferable that they are not publicly aired.
Today, I am still single, and now bored. I repsonded to one email last night, and only because it was different than the others. The guy had a sense of humor that I could play off of. Before that one, I can’t remember the last time I responed to one of the emails I am sent. I do get a lot of “winks”, and I have given a few, but lately I haven’t responded to any as none of them sparked any interest. Maybe this is not where I am supposed to meet someone. Maybe I am missing something, or I am just doing something wrong when it comes to meeting people.
That brings me to another issue – are computer nerds/dorks/geeks (I am sure many bloggers fall in here somewhere) really a different breed? I don’t feel I am lacking in social skills, but my dating life says different. I don’t bite. I have my shots (soon to be getting the yearly flu shot too). I don’t smoke and only drink occasionaly. Then, when you do meet someone, do you tell them you blog, or no? Lately, I have been going with the latter so I can blog the dates. I was doing that with the last one, but I did tell him since I was interested in him, and thought he was interested in me equally, and that things were going some where. Then got a casual email one morning, repsonded, and then nothing heard again. I didn’t write again or call as it could be assumed that if he was really interested he would not have let an email snafu stop him.
Maybe I have grown to accustomed to keeping to myself. I get emails on activities and parties but rarely go (doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the invite). I also fear telling someone about the whole blogging thing or having them discover it. Mine is dating back over three years. I do self edit, but experience has taught me people are weird (especially you guys out there) – they will stop calling or lose interest over the smallest thing. Then again, I guess that is better early on than having something trail on six months or more, and going through the more ugly break up motions.
Then again, maybe I shouldn’t worry about it. Maybe the whole thing of something happening when you least expect it is what is going on here and I should focus on other things. Who knows.
I agree, online dating is getting boring. I am especially tired of:
– finding someone that may have something in common with me, exchanging winks, we email a few times then I never hear from them again. No “thanks but no thanks”, just “out of sight – out of mind”
– getting winks from the same person over and over again without me sending a wink in response.
– getting emails from “Russian” women that do not know how to spell.
– getting winks from people over 100 miles from my zip code.
– exchanging winks/emails with someone then offering to actually chat on the phone and getting no response.
– Overlooking certain lacking features of the person (age, height, weight, looks) while concentrating on the things that they do have going for them (intelligence, wit) knowing in the back of your mind that you want the complete package but you know you’ll never get it.
When going out do you find your self doing it alone,or with frinds?Don’t ask me why but guys seem to over look woman when their alone.But when your not could careless about asking you or your friend to dance and then guess what theirs still one of you alone!Whats up with that?
Phil – I am having some of the same experiences, except for the Russian women (of course). I have emailed some because I either had a question based on their profile or, in one case, a guy said that he liked “most” of my profile. I asked him what he did not like (I was curious) and we had a few emails but he turned out to be dumb, and that was the end of that. Typically, I don’t email unless I think I might really be interested (I don’t want to waste anyones time). I guess I have emailed some and then quit – same thing has happened to me though. Just part of the deal. I also get the “winks” from the same people multiple times and the ones from far away (I ignore all of them). I don’t like to do the phone thing – I am busy and don’t have time to hang on the phone. I’d rather just do a meeting and go from there.
HFID – Hmmm… not sure. I am not really into the bars and clubs any more. More of a solo trip to the movies kinda girl. Guys are weird. Maybe it is something along the line of if you turn him down maybe the friend will say “yes”, and now you are sitting there to play purse sitter, nursing your drink while your friend abandons you to dance with some guy with security and ego issues, and is probably lame anyway. Just a theory. If the friend was a good one (and a smart girl) she would be insulted to be chosen second, and also turn him down.
Grow up guys. You have become Dallasized–interested in looks primarily and then you go out with a gorgeous babe with fake boobs who hasn’t a clue about anything in life and whose questions are variations on “What’s that?”. And then you complain that they bore you. If you spent all your free time either in Dallas bars or at the nail salon, tanning bed and aerobics center, just how interesting would you be? My advice, look for quality women–women who don’t need you for your money because they are smart enough to have their own. Lee
Wow… these comments so hit home it’s scary. I almost wished I was the only one going through all of this because then I had hope that there were decent guys out there, but they were all taken…
Valerie – I think there are still some out there. I am just not racing out the door every night trying to hunt them down. Instead, I am going to the gym to work on my self-image (the one that I see in the mirror, not the other one). All those boring emails get in the way of my “me” time – I’d much rather meet up for drinks and see if there is a click, spark, blown fuse, etc. – cut to the chase.
Valerie and Amy: There comes a time that the game of dating (yes, it’s a game…. sadly) gets old for those of us with a sense of self-worth. That does not mean either our opposite gender or ourselves are necessarily bad or good, it’s just that we are growing older and wiser and value our time accordingly. Frankly, I think I’m a great “catch”, but I’d rather tend to my house, read a book with my dog sleeping by my side or go antique shopping on the weekends. While it’s well known that Dallas is about appearances, it seems you two hold other values dear. Don’t be too hard on yourselves.
amy – hey! i agree with dave’s comment. the dating game i think sounds almost impossible – really everyone knows that – deep down or otherwise. dont put any pressure on yourself – have fun – do what you wanna do – and nothing you dont wanna do. i just think that society expects impossible things from us individuals. if we’re doing one thing, people are like – hey do something else!!
…what’s wrong with dating people because of their looks? because they spend enough time on their appearance–or have enough natural sex appeal–to make you want to be seen in public with them or have sex with them? i don’t see an ethical quandary here, if one is interested in “dating” for the sake of dating (or for sex) and is not looking for a date to evolve into something more serious…to expect a date to become a marriage would be very anti-dallas, very provincial, eh?
ya know, amy, your comment that “maybe the whole thing of something happening when you least expect it is what is going on here and I should focus on other things” struck me as both true and false: true because love-shit happens when you least expect it to, and false because shit-love is always what you are NOT looking for when it arrives…so if i don’t want love, love appears–and if i do desire love in my life, love hides itself…what are we to make of this dilemma?
Dave and Sonia – Personally speaking, I am not wallowing in self pity and I feel that I am not in need of a “buck up lil’ camper” talk at the moment, so thanks, but no thanks. I have always been hard on myself, but not in the area of dating. I find my time is better spent pushing myself physically (working out) and mentally (reading more, programming, etc.). I am not putting pressure on myself, but I am getting it from others. I do know from experience that when I think about things the least (like dating or dieting) something good happens. I also know what it feels like to meet someone you would like to know more, and I am begining to think that I should trust my gut and not force anything because someone else is telling me that I should be getting married or something.
Zayn – I think we all date for looks to some degree, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What I find attractive would not be the same as what someone else would find attractive. All those guys out there that are way too pretty and they know it? Not my type. I have dated some of those and it wasn’t worth it. I have also played the role of the trophy date – can be fun, but in the end it is shallow and amounts to nothing. As for the love-shit and shit-love, I think it is a matter of recognizing when something is good and being open to it rather than pushing it away. I feel like if I find it, I will know it, and he will know it, and it will work out in the end. I also keep wondering if maybe I have already met the person I am supposed to be with, but our lives are in such different places that we have not gotten together yet. That might be dumb, but oh well.
I met my wife online, so don’t despair.
Last time I checked, “bored” and “despair” were two different things. Sorry to disappoint but I am in no need of a cheerleader. That is what I meant when I said I don’t need a “buck up lil’ camper” talk. If anyone is in desperate need of someone to cheer up on a regular basis (most likely it would be daily) I can point you in the direction of an ex of mine – he needed a pep rally once a day, and I just didn’t have it in me to do that (and still don’t). I was more likely to ask him “You need a little cheese to go with that whine?”
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